Learning from the Past but Living Forward

Like many people, my early career was full of ups and downs, high hopes and major disappointments or as Japanese saying goes: “Yama ari tani ari – there are mountains, there are valleys”. I worked hard on my job applications, only to be ghosted by the employers. At interviews, I felt exposed and insecure – one wrong answer and I could see my big dreams crashing in front of me. Each rejection chipped away my confidence and I was asking myself: “What was the point of my qualifications if they don’t guarantee me my passage?”.

On reflection, I was lucky to have mentors around, who helped me to revisit each experience. I reflected back and analysed my job applications and interviews, looking at all the detail to find what I did well and where I stumbled. I could see clearly everything in the past - my mistakes, my failing to get my points across, my inability to articulate transferable skills. I knew what I could do better next time but soon realised that my next interview was not going to be the same as the previous one – the job role will be different, the interviewers too, I will feel differently.  Although my analysis and learning from the first interviews were valuable, I could not predict what would happen next time. It is uncertain and it is one of the key paradoxes of our existence. As summarised by the Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard: “Life can only be understood backwards… but it must be lived forwards.” In other words, we need to strike a balance between reflection and action, between looking backwards and living forwards. 

Looking at events backwords gives us an opportunity to understand what happened and perhaps why. We don’t need a microscope or a glass ball. As reflective practitioners we can a gain deeper understanding of our choices, actions and experiences. These events have already happened and there is nothing we can do to change the outcomes. By being analytical we can recognise patterns, identify themes and make sense of what happened and try to ensure we don’t repeat the same mistakes.

Watching Noah Lyles at the Olympic 200-meter final provided me with another angle into this paradox and made me think more about resilience and adaptability, associated with living in a dynamic, complex world. Despite struggling with Covid-19 (as it was reported), Lyles chose to compete, ultimately securing a bronze medal with a performance he now considers one of his greatest achievements. The decision to compete must have been a difficult one. Revealing his condition could have jeopardized his spot in the final. Lyles had endlessly trained with gold in his sights, but he could not have predicted that he would catch the virus and would feel weakened during this important final race. He managed the experience and concluded with a positive view point.

“Life can only be understood backwards…but it must be lived forward” as Kierkegaard writes and here are my three takeaways from this paradox.  

Don’t rush to make a final conclusion

It is tempting to use binary thinking and label experiences as 'successes' or 'failures' or as ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Doing this can be unproductive and even limiting. In our life and career not all the outcomes are aligned with our initial expectations – we have faced job rejections or missed out on a promotion or pay rise.  I urge you to slow down and avoid coming to hasty conclusions, allow the situation to unfold and reveal its full context over time. What may seem like a setback on the surface could be a blessing in disguise. I know that for me the job rejections were the right thing to happen, as it led me to be able to sit here today and write this blog. But I could only say this today, 20 years after the first ‘Thank you, but you have been unsuccessful’ email.

In my practice I also often share the story of a graduate who landed what appeared to be a 'dream job' with a prestigious employer. On paper, it was the high-paying position he had aimed for throughout his degree with impressive career prospects. However, as time passed, he found himself struggling to adapt to and accept the organisational culture and he questioned his career choice. In hindsight, what initially seemed like a successful outcome turned out to be a poor fit, leading him to eventually move to a new area more aligned with his personal and professional values.

Immediate outcomes don't always reflect a sustainable success or personal satisfaction. By resisting the temptation of making instant judgments (both for situations and people) and maintaining an open and enquiring mind, we can see the bigger picture and potentially discover unexpected paths to fulfilment and success.

Re-frame expectations

Lyles' ability to find pride in his bronze-medal finish, despite the setback, exemplifies how we can re-frame our expectations and find value in outcomes we hadn't initially envisioned. This adaptability isn't limited to sports; it's a crucial skill in all aspects of life, including our careers. As a business graduate myself, I had envisaged a future in the corporate world, climbing the traditional ladder of success. However, 20 years later, my career has been different. Today, I find myself in a role I never anticipated, yet it provides me with the reward and purpose I truly need. This journey taught me that success isn't always about achieving predetermined goals, but about recognising and embracing the unexpected opportunities that arise. By re-framing our expectations, we open ourselves to a broader definition of success and fulfilment. It's not about lowering our standards, but about expanding our perspective to appreciate different forms of achievement and growth.

Have a purpose

Life does not stand still: it offers an uncertain and unpredictable future and expects constant action. For me this action should draw on energy and learning from past experiences to craft one’s purpose and help us to live forward as Kierkegaard implies. This purpose can also evolve over time and it is not necessary for it to be a grand mission that will shake the world. It can be a calling or an idea that will create a meaningful impact for you and others.  In my own personal career journey and life transitions, I realised that my purpose was to support and instil confidence and self-belief in others, and to see them grow.  I am aware I won’t climb the corporate or the university ladder, but I am at peace with my choice and have found my happiness in doing what I love.

One thing is for sure- we all have the freedom to create purpose and meaning in our lives, as Victor Frankl says: "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." Identifying your purpose will certainly be the driving force of moving and living life forward, even as that purpose evolves and adapts to the unpredictable nature of the world.